Back in June, I was working and I received a phone call. I did not recognize the number, and I didn't know anyone from Washington, D.C. but I answered the phone anyway. "Hi, I'm looking for a Miss Ciara Clawson-Jones?" Yeah... this is she. "Hi Ciara. I'm from Gallaudet University and we would like you to know that you have been accepted into our graduate program for Speech-language Pathology. Are you still interested? We'd love to have you if you haven't committed to another program."
Silence. I was absolutely speechless. And as I pushed out the words, "Yes... I am interested and honored for the acceptance" I'm sure she was thinking how is someone who is stuttering trying to be an SLP? So she said, "Great. We will send you your official letter in the mail this week" and she hung up the phone.
Wow. After all the schools that didn't work out, and I put in my mission papers NOW you're gonna tell me that one of the top programs in the nation wants me to attend? Are. You. Kidding? Did I mention that not only is this an AMAZING program, but it's also a Deaf University. The whole University was designed to accommodate those who are Deaf and hard-of-hearing. In fact, their website says they only accept about five percent of hearing students. I know American Sign Language, but I am definitely not Deaf, hard-of-hearing and nor do I have any family that is. So this was A BIG DEAL. And boy, did I want to go.
If being accepted wasn't enough, let me tell you about the day I got my acceptance letter. I opened up the envelope to not only find my acceptance, but also a scholarship offer of $12,000 per year as long as I kept a 3.0 GPA. Yeah. Mind=blown. Yes, I realize how ridiculously hard it is to get scholarships for graduate school. It basically doesn't happen. How could I ever say no to this?! I just couldn't! Opportunities like this don't just happen every day.
So I found myself in a situation where I had to make one of those fun adult decisions and I knew that I would have to decide. Go to my dream university or serve The Lord on a mission? Both were very good things. A woman choosing to serve a mission is awesome. Getting my Master's degree and perusing my ASL passion is also awesome. And it would have been almost paid for! And I was honored to find myself in such a situation.
So I found myself where I should have been: on my knees praying. Heavenly Father, what do I do? What do YOU want me to do? I will do whichever you want. Did I get in to Gallaudet because that's what you actually want me to do? I know I felt like a mission is what YOU wanted me to do, but I really want to go to Gallaudet. Then I knew I had to say what Christ once said: "Thy will be done".
After fasting and praying, I felt impressed to read my mission call. The last paragraph reads, "Greater blessings and more happiness than you have yet experienced await you as you humbly and prayerfully serve the Lord in this labor of love among His children". This was my answer, and it had to be final because Gallaudet needed my written response in the next two days. One final prayer made the decision final. I was serving a mission. And I had to have the faith that making this decision would lead me to that promised happiness. My mind cannot possibly even imagine the happiness that God wants to give me.
Leap of Faith.
Leap of Faith.
As I wrote to Galluadet, I told them how honored I was, but that I had committed 18 months of my life to serving God, His people and thinking nothing of myself. I included a copy of my mission call not only for proof, but hoping through reading it, the Spirit could touch their lives. As I checked the "No, I cannot accept your offer at this time" box, I bawled my eyes out. This was the hardest decision I'd ever had to make. And if it had been, "Ciara's will be done", I would be in Washington D.C. right now.
How can I turn down such an opportunity? This is the question so many people may ask. Well at one point I didn't know how I could either. But I realize that no one on this Earth, no job on this Earth, no university on this Earth could possibly make of me what God, the Almighty can. No one has ever done even a sliver for me of what my Savior Jesus Christ has done for me. He gave His life for me and in return, I give Them mine. I owe Them EVERYTHING. And gladly.
Many other challenges came, and let me say they were just as hard as the Gallaudet one. I won't go in to detail, but I will say I loved and lost, and we all know that when you're loving, losing is hard. When you put your heart on the line, but then realize that it just isn't what God wants for you, it's hard. Putting emotions aside is not easy. And in this challenge I knew that my only commitment at this point in my life could be to God. And I'm one hundred percent okay with that. Never regret loving a person. Never regret being Christlike towards them. Love is never a weakness. Love is always a strength, for to love is the first and greatest commandment. To be able to love like Christ is a gift. It is special, and not many know how to do so, sadly. So loving and "losing" does not mean you are weak or not good enough. It means you are forgiving and strong. What people choose to do with that love, is their choice, but you can never lose from loving a person the way Christ loves you.
It takes courage and strength to put your heart on the line. It is a risk. But when you are doing what's right, loving and losing is never really a loss. It's actually a gain- a wonderful and even greater thing coming your way that Heavenly Father so desperately wants you to have.
Many other challenges came, and let me say they were just as hard as the Gallaudet one. I won't go in to detail, but I will say I loved and lost, and we all know that when you're loving, losing is hard. When you put your heart on the line, but then realize that it just isn't what God wants for you, it's hard. Putting emotions aside is not easy. And in this challenge I knew that my only commitment at this point in my life could be to God. And I'm one hundred percent okay with that. Never regret loving a person. Never regret being Christlike towards them. Love is never a weakness. Love is always a strength, for to love is the first and greatest commandment. To be able to love like Christ is a gift. It is special, and not many know how to do so, sadly. So loving and "losing" does not mean you are weak or not good enough. It means you are forgiving and strong. What people choose to do with that love, is their choice, but you can never lose from loving a person the way Christ loves you.
It takes courage and strength to put your heart on the line. It is a risk. But when you are doing what's right, loving and losing is never really a loss. It's actually a gain- a wonderful and even greater thing coming your way that Heavenly Father so desperately wants you to have.
Bottom line is, don't ever sacrifice something for something that makes a positive eternal impact. Your sacrifices will be different than mine. Your struggles, stories, challenges and God's will for you is different than mine but He WILL tell you what to do. He will lead you down the happiest of all the happy paths. The only thing I would give up for my mission is starting my eternal family. That is the most important thing I or anyone could ever do. But attending a university doesn't make more of an eternal difference than devoting my life to God and His children. It is my hope and prayer to find one person and help them- to be God's mouthpiece and vessel that through me one soul's life can be changed FOREVER. There is nothing more important than this message I anxiously wait to share!
Life is amazing! Christ lives. Let Him carry you!
Please write me! Thanks for reading!
xoxox,
Ciara
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