I entered the Missionary Training Center (MTC) in Manila, Philippines in September of 2013 to serve in the Philippines Angeles Mission. The experience at the MTC was a spiritual high, and I was ready to hit the ground running once I got done with my 41 day training. When I got to the field, I found that faith and dedication to my Father in Heaven would be put to the test in every way. I experienced major culture shock, homesickness and a lot of stress! I quickly realized that this wasn't going to be just a long EFY, this was a REAL test of my love to my Father and my Savior, Jesus Christ.
I felt that EVERYTHING I went to for comfort was completely taken away from me: my family, my friends, my food, and even my hot water and shower! I was very "turned inward" in my thinking. "Why is this so hard?" "Why am I so miserable?" "I miss my family". The list could go on... I went to my mission president for help. He explained to me that I was going through the process of sanctification and the reason that the mission was so hard was because my will was not in accordance with my Father in Heaven's will for me and that once I was able to turn my thoughts outward to the people, my companion and the Lord, that I would find myself become clean and sanctified.
It was a really hard adjustment for me, but every morning I prayed for the Lord's help and I learned to really rely on Him with all of my heart, might, mind and strength. I learned the true meaning of "I Need Thee Every Hour". (I sang that song in my head all day, every day). I never prayed so much or so effectively in my life and I am SO grateful that it was so hard because the Lord taught me that HE is all that I need, that my strength, peace, hope and confidence can only come from HIM and to go to HIM first when I need something. This is the biggest lesson I learned on the mission was true reliance on my Heavenly Father and the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I finally submitted myself fully to His will and I gave my entire heart and soul to the people and to the Lord. I lost myself in true Christlike service and I grew closer to the Lord than I knew possible. And I know I'll be grateful for it the rest of my life.
Time flew once I gave my all to my mission. I did my absolute best in my power to be exactly obedient, to excel in the language, to set an example and to have true charity for the people in the Philippines. I learned to LOVE them as Christ loves them and see them for who they could become. I was stretched beyond my limits, but the Lord was with me every step of the way. I had no strength of my own, but each day I would pray, "Father, I do not have the strength myself, please give me yours" and it was done through His enabling power.
Pretty soon I'm saying that I want my mission to slow down; time was going too fast and I fell in love with the Filipino people. I learned to be happy in any circumstances and though there was times of hardship and heartbreak, I felt the sweetest joy and made (or reunited) eternal relationships with people who will forever be locked inside my heart. I finally had become the missionary and the person that my Father in Heaven was trying to get me to be. I was not perfect, I would never claim perfection, but I found my way and I became and instrument in the Lord's hands and He used me.
In my third and last area, San Fernando, Pampanga, I started experiencing stomach aches.This started happening in June. I would just ignore it, push though and keep working. "Forget yourself and go to work", right? Overtime, the aches got worse and worse to the point where I could no longer ignore them, and I grew concerned. Finally in September when the symptoms worsened and three months of ignoring and pushing through the aches, I consulted with my mission President's wife. She asked me to try various different medicines to take the aches away and it didn't work, so eventually I found myself in the hospital and found out that I had caught an amoeba, which was a parasite in my intestines.
I took the medication to treat the amoeba and I felt great after I finished the prescribed amount. But two days later, the symptoms returned and I got terrible pains in my left abdomen and no pain killers would help at all. Long story short, I ended up trying to figure out the problem in four different hospitals, the last one of those hospitals being the best in the entire Philippines. After three days there, the doctor came in after running lots of tests and said that he didn't know what the problem was with my stomach, and I needed to be discharged.
This took me to the Missionary Recovery Center in Manila where I was sent to recover and to see if the symptoms would subside. They didn't. In fact, they got worse. I wanted nothing but to get better and to get back to serving. One day, my leaders asked me if I wanted to go home. Quickly I replied, "No. That's not even an option. I only have three transfers left and I am finishing my 18 months!" They continued to counsel me and tell me that the Philippines did not have the resources needed for me to take care of my health and to figure out the cause of the pain.
Go home? No. I am not ready for that. I love my mission.
The leaders encouraged me to pray about the situation and to let them know what the Lord's will was and my decision. I prayed so hard for the Lord to take away the pains so I could stay. I told Him I was willing to do anything, if I could just stay with the people I loved so much. The pain got worse.
During the two days I was praying to know His will for me, I received many witnesses that it was best for me to come home. I prayed and said, "But Heavenly Father, what about your children. I need to take care of them!" He let me know that they are His children, they are in His hands and He will continue to take care of them, but that I was also His child and He needed to take care of me as well.
I cried and cried and was in denial. I kept thinking, "I was supposed to be here for 18 months, why should I go home now?" I finally made the decision that I thought that the Lord wanted me to go home and I decided to go to the temple. In the temple, I knew that my mission and sacrifice had been accepted by my Heavenly Father, and that it was time for me to go home. I had done what I was called to do and I had learned what I needed to learn. All of a sudden a feeling of peace came over me and I knew that I needed once again to submit to my Heavenly Father's will.
My head wasn't happy at the thought, but I know that it was right. I called my mission president, who helped me to know that the Lord knows all. His knowledge and plan is perfect. The situation was prayed about by the area presidency and before you know it, I am on a 23 hour journey back to the United States of America.
Everything happened so fast, and my heart is still in the Philippines. But peace cannot come from Satan. I know and am eternally grateful for the 13 months that I got to serve in the Lord's kingdom in the Philippines Angeles Mission. It was the best and most sacred 13 months of my life. I know I did what I needed to do there and that the Lord has a plan for me.
Consecrating our all to Him, submission to His will, and sacrificing our pride is the hardest test. Like I had to submit my will and pride to learn to love and stay on the mission, I had to do the same towards the end. I don't know if it is part of His plan for me to return and serve for 5 more months or if the Lord called me here because He has better plans, but I don't need to know. I will not complain either because of the struggles or question why they're happening. Once again, I don't need to know. He will reveal it in His time and I will obey. My life is not my own.
Thank you all for your prayers during the best 13 months of my life. I felt them and the Lord's protection everyday. I am so grateful that I got to serve an honorable full-time mission, but my mission has only begun.
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