I Hope They Call Me on a Mission??: Deciding to serve.

Being a young woman in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, you are given the wonderful option of serving a mission. For young men, they have the option too, however it is expected for them to serve. For a woman however... well, that's up to you! And growing up in the church my entire life, I always knew that I could serve a mission, but I had decided that that option was not for me! I mean after all, I was going to get married to my high school/college sweetheart when he got home from his mission. Prince Charming was going to take me away on his white horse and I was gonna make the world's CUTEST babies and serving a mission was just not going to happen for me! (Not that I was above it or anything, but my life was PLANNED)! 

Well... now I am twenty-two years old and I have a mission call to serve as a full-time missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints for eighteen months. So what happened, you ask? Why the DRASTIC change? Shoot, beats me! The best answer that I can give is that it was God's personal plan for me. But that answer is kind of a cop out- here's the story:

It was my Senior year at New Mexico State University. My last semester as an undergraduate student was coming to a close. I was at a very challenging place in my life- applying to graduate schools all over the country, dating someone pretty seriously who's life was going in a different direction than mine and NOTHING seemed to be working out according to my beyond perfect plan for myself. I wasn't getting accepted to the schools I wanted to attend and marriage was looking like less and less of an option for me. Rejection letters and doors of opportunity slamming shut in my face was discouraging, and I can honestly say that I had very little fight left in me. My confidence was shot.

Walking to my car from campus, I called my oh, so wise mother. I'd told her I didn't see the point of trying so hard. Why did I work so hard in school and to be a good person if nothing was working out for me? She said to me, "Ciara, I feel like you've completely given up". And then the saddest thing I'd ever said came out of my mouth: "I have". But mommy didn't give up on me, and I cannot be more grateful. She promised me that if I would pray and tell my Heavenly Father that I would do anything he wanted me to, and mean it, that he would tell me what I was supposed to do. She told me she felt that the Lord wanted me to do something very special and something big was on the horizon for me and that Satan knew if he could get me to give up, that he could stop me from doing something great. She had faith the Lord would tell me what to do and she said, "It will happen so naturally and so fast that it will make your head spin". 

So before I even left the parking lot of the Institute, I prayed. I'm not saying that prayer should ever give you bad feelings, but in this case after I prayed, I got angry. Angry at Satan. And then I decided Satan and I needed to have a little talk. So literally, I'm sitting in my car in the heat and talking to Satan. I probably looked like a crazy person to any person passing by; I'm sure they were thinking, "the heat definitely got to that one!" But I literally told Satan, "Look. I know what you are trying to do. But little did you know that you will actually be my motivation for not giving up right now. I am not going to give up and I am going to give my will completely to God simply because you don't want me to. Have fun watching!" 

And then... I was fine. 

A few days later, I was on the phone to wise momma again. I told her of my thoughts and told her that I thought maybe of going on a mission. And then right after I said, "But I don't have to go to be a good person. Heavenly Father will be proud either way". Take it from me, don't try to talk yourself out of the promptings you've been given. Heavenly Father will send you an answer that hits you right in your Kryptonite and he'll get ya! Stumbling upon this gem was mine: 

Not only is this quote amazing, but it came from the mouth of a prophet of God- Gordon B. Hinckley. So that means it's doctrine. Well, shoot, yeah, Heavenly Father, I know I've prayed many times and asked you to prepare me to be the best mother that I possibly can be, but really? Is this the only way? Once again, learn from my mistakes- put aside the pride and if you pray for something, be willing to accept the answer no matter the cost. He provides a way. Always.
 

So after about a week of fasting, praying and sleepless nights (I would wake up and lose hours of sleep thinking about going on a mission), I knew what I needed to do. The answer was confirmed to me about a week later, so I just made the decision to go and I felt pretty good about it. And that's saying a lot coming from the girl who had decided years ago that this wasn't for me.

Okay. I'll go. 

It was not easy for me to admit to myself that I was actually going. It wasn't easy for me to tell anyone for that matter. So I sought out council from my bishop and other church leaders. I started to fill out my papers and it just happened- so fast that my head spun. And my papers were submitted before I could even think twice about it. 

As I waited for my call, I thought, "I don't think I'll leave the United States because I'm not capable of speaking a foreign language". Why didn't I learn my lesson the first time? Don't ever think that you know what you are capable of or what is best for you more than Heavenly Father does. YOU DON'T. Trust me. About two weeks, which felt a lot like two months later, I received my mission call. I was babysitting my favorite kiddos and we just got back from the swimming pool. My dad called me and said, "If you don't get over here and open your call, I'm going to". Panic. Ho-ly cow! There is no other feeling. 

I threw the poor soaked kids in my car and hauled fanny home. My family had all been there waiting for me and my best friend and grandparents were on Face Time. I slid my finger into the flap on the envelope. I was shaking... "I don't know if I can open it. Ah, okay, open it." My eyes skipped straight down to the second line. Blurred vision. What??? The Philippines? Seriously?! Yep, me... called to serve in the Philippines Angeles Mission for 18 months speaking TAGALOG. Tagalog? Are you kidding? I've heard that crazy language being spoken and it seems nothing less than complicated. (My best friend's mom is from the Philippines). 

And then a miracle happens: you receive the greatest comfort that you ever have in your life and your heart fills up with love for people that you haven't even met yet. Your heart literally feels like it may burst because you truly love people you didn't even know existed yet. And then you feel so lucky and honored that you of all people get to be a part of their life. 

The rest of that night I was all smiles. I looked through my mission packet until the binding started falling apart. Later that night I found myself on my knees literally pleading with the Father that I would be worthy of serving the Filipino people and thanking him. I was begging Him that everything would go smoothly in my preparations so that I could be with these people. And I found myself asking, "Is 18 months even long enough?!" Yeah. This is the girl that wanted nothing more than to be a baby factory!  

Okay. Moral(s) of story:
1. God answers your prayers. Always. You just have to accept the answer if you want the blessings you ask for 
2. Bag the pride! You may know yourself pretty well, but God created you. He knows you better. Have faith that He is all knowing
3. Never underestimate your own capabilities. When you become one with God, you can do anything that he needs you to do. 
and 
4.  Do what He wants you to do regardless of what anyone else on Earth thinks you should do. 

Thanks for reading!
xoxo,
Ciara