Wednesday, January 13, 2016

To my son.

My little boy,

My time being pregnant with you is coming to a quick close. Though I would be lying if I told you it's been easy, I would do it all over again. I know that in a few short weeks, you and I will physically separate and I won't be your bubble or your shield anymore. For as long as I can remember I've wanted to be your mommy. I've always known it would be the most wonderful feeling in the world to know that you're coming soon to our family, I just never imagined that I would feel this much love. I haven't even seen you or held you yet, but I've never loved something so much.

Every single time you move, I get a smile on my face. It never gets old. When you kick me in the ribs, when you hiccup as I am about to fall asleep. I can't help but laugh and then smile because it means that you are alive and well.

When I found out that I was pregnant with you, I rushed off to tell Daddy. I couldn't contain my excitement. I've loved watching him grow as a man because he loves you already. When he works so hard every day and then comes home and puts up your crib and paints your nursery. When he wakes up in the morning or before he goes to bed at night and kisses my tummy and tells you he loves you. When he tells me that I am beautiful despite my clothes not fitting and if I say that I am "fat", he says, "no you're pregnant and that is what happens to pregnant people." When he gives me blessings when I am sick or overwhelmed. He is the best partner I can ask for and you have a wonderful father. You are definitely coming into a home and a family who want you and who love you beyond belief.

What have I learned from being pregnant? Well it's no walk in the park. I think women are amazing and I've come to realize what a miracle my body is. Everything, and I mean everything changes. My taste buds, my bones move to make room for you, my skin stretches, I can't breathe because you're smashing my lungs, EVERYTHING. We throw up for weeks, sometimes other complications happen that could be life threatening, and it's undesirable and scary. But each time I hear your heart beat or see your little face on the ultrasound machine, I would do it all one thousand times over again. I don't think there was a single time I heard your heart beat and I didn't tear up. I KNOW there wasn't a time I saw you and did not cry. It's a good thing mommy has a female doctor who understands such emotions.

Mostly what has changed is that almost every waking thought mommy has is centered on you. Need to eat because baby is hungry. Don't eat that because he doesn't like it. Eat sherbet ice cream or chocolate so that I can make him move and know he is okay. Don't say or do that, because you need to be a good example for your son. I've thought long and hard since day one on how I want to birth you, how I want you to be fed once you are born, how I can protect you from getting sick once you are. People flat out sometimes tell me I am crazy, but I am your mommy and I will always want what is best for you despite other opinions.

I can't wait to hold you and snuggle you and kiss your little face. I can't wait to watch you grow, though I want you to take your time so I can savor every moment. Know always that mommy and daddy want the best for you and want to protect you. Most importantly, we want to teach you what is right from wrong so that you always have the help of your Father in Heaven. He can do for you what Daddy and I cannot.

So I guess mostly, what I have learned from being pregnant is just a smidge of the love that Heavenly Father must have for me. And all of his children for that matter. I've learned the lengths that He would go to do the best for his children because it's what I would already do for you. I love you more than you will ever know. I will see you soon little guy.


1 comment:

  1. I just saw that you posted this and I love this so much... This little boy is going to be so lucky! He will truly know what love is and have such good examples to look up to. So unbelievably happy for you guys.

    Love you all!